Marriage counsellors are the first person to admit that when it comes to their clients, there are endless bad habits they wish they could change to rectify the wedding. It may be their duty to give advice to the couple, but it is still up to them if they are going to keep these pieces of advice to heart and give it a try to save the marriage or to make it even better. In my case, it is such a blessing that I have met a marriage counsellor that gives the best pieces of advice. We may be too afraid or embarrass to admit anything especially to our family and friends that during marriage counselling, you know that you can advocate anything and the person across you will understand and listen. I will share with you the five secrets that our marriage counsellor has shared with us over some meetings. These marriage counselling secrets are not only to salvage the marriage, but it will also ensure that your union with your spouse will be even more exciting than before.
Do Not Try To Change Your Spouse
In one of our marriage counselling sessions, our counsellor told us that many couples trap into thinking that they will be able to change their partner once they have tied the knot or have experienced a remarkable milestone in their relationship such as moving in or having their first baby. She said that for the majority of married couples, who they live with for the rest of their lives will be the same person they met. She also added that we would never be able to change our partner but what we can do is change ourselves if we desire to. She stressed out that an individual should focus on what he or she can contribute to the relationship, on things that need changing to avoid situations wherein there will be power struggles and blaming game. With all this in mind, the couple will be able to move forward and make the marriage more efficient.
Do Not Stop Being Intimate With Each Other
Our wedding counsellor talked about being intimate and how it is used as a punishment in some cases by withholding it from one another. Out of anger or disappointment, you might feel like you need to stop being intimate with your spouse too many times that it eventually turned into a bad habit which is hard to break. Some couples only give in to each other on special occasions, and it becomes a treat rather than a norm in a married couple. To rectify this, figure out what is upsetting you and do something about it in a way that it will be resolved and not affect your sexual relationship.
Smartphones Should Not Be A Part Of Your Marriage
One important lesson I have learned during one of our wedding counselling appointments. To let go of technology and never prioritise your mobile applications over your spouse. With today’s digital age, it is a common mistake most people make – even those that are not in a husband and wife relationship bracket. Quality time usually disrupts because one or both is busy playing with their phone or trying out a new popular app. Our counsellor shared that spending quality time with partner plays a crucial role in a marriage because it nourishes the love for a long time. Another mistake that most couples commit with regards to a smartphone is having an argument over text. Many couples are fighting through text, and this method never seems to solve the problem but makes it even worse. Text messages may be misinterpreting which will even lead to a bigger misunderstanding and sometimes even the smallest things becomes a subject in an argument. Face to face communication is always the best method.
Do Not Portray Your Spouse As The Villain
Many couples would try to make their partner look bad when in front of their therapist to make a good impression. It is common to see them deflecting the issue at hand and would try to point the blame to the other person. One-upping one another is not uncommon. The wife may complain about how drunk the husband was last night, and the man would use, in his defence, that the woman was very drunk during which they are still in the right place. Bringing up the past will not help in any way but it will only make matter worse, and the simple conversation might turn into a fight while inside the therapist’s office. In the end, the real issue would go vain, and there is no reconciliation.
It Is Never Productive To Talk About Your Issues When One Or Both Is Angry
It is a common mistake and one that many couples still does despite knowing that they should not. Talking about each other’s problems and issues will never be solved in an angry state or even in hunger. If your stomach is asking for a refill, then it would be best to order a meal before starting the conversation. Our therapist taught us that it is important that we feel calm before discussing anything. A good technique we have kept in mind is to take time away from each other or hug until we have soothed ourselves. By that time we can discuss things calmly and sometimes, the calm makes us forget why are we angry in the first place.
Up until this day, these five gems are what we always go back to whenever we hit a bumpy road in our marriage. No relationship is perfect, and that include ours. With these tips, we can have a more harmonious relationship which makes it more unique.